Avoiding Marital Abuse

I never knew marriage could create countless definitions for one-ness. To some it’s sharing the last slice of pizza. To others it’s the last slice, but never the last brownie. And finally there’s those who don’t share at all. Nevertheless, each group believes that their version of one-ness excels. But does it really?

To me marriage more reassembles the NFL and when teams dispute 4th and inches. A system settles the argument: the chains. However, both teams must agree that the chains rule. Or else, one team will request a garden hose, while the other, PVC pipping. Today this is the problem with one-ness, two people NOT agreeing on a standard grounded in truth, and where, neither side suffers abuse.

For Christians this is Christ! Rejecting him is like rejecting the chains. And is exactly what led to my own divorce. My ex-wife chose materialism (PVC Pipping) to measure what one-ness means to her. And elsewhere, I used a garden hose, missing the mark, as well. The point is any time a spouse chooses “self” over “other”, this promotes marital abuse. After all, it’s the person who “refreshes others”, the proverb says, “who will themselves be refreshed”.

Backstabbers

Betrayal hurts more than any other pain a person can feel. It is a spiritual laceration sutures can’t stitch. Uneasy thoughts hijack the mind while the previously trusted is exposed. He or she gambles the gift that you are, even after recently dipping bread at your side.

This happened recently. My best friend of twenty years lied. And when confronted, lied even more. Here’s a secret though: backstabbers don’t desire to necessarily stab. If so, they’d stab openly. Instead, a war rages inside. Extending the metaphor of Jesus and Judas, a back stabber is torn between two things: 30 pieces of shekels—symbolizing temporary pleasures—and Jesus, the ruler of all things. And so it begs the question: why do people routinely loose sight of valuable relationships?

After all, a good relationship is like a tax break, hard to find. Moreover, its victims become “more unyielding” than a fortified city, says the proverb. So, the victims must now heal from two places. First, from the strike, and then also, from un-forgiveness.

Stamina for Difficult Days

Another layer to suffering is stamina. If you’ve ever jogged before, but didn’t train, you know exactly the feeling I’m referring to. Gradually both your legs become noodle, throat feels like sand paper, and lungs feel like a flat tire. Likewise, life is the ability to place one step after the other without crashing to the floor. But achieving this requires incredible stamina.

Here’s another way this can be explained. Let’s say you are shopping in Florida for your first home, and the real estate agent says to you, all the houses you see today are hurricane proof, so if a hurricane lands, the wind, rain, and flood will change route, skip your house, and smash into your neighbor’s, instead. Would you believe them? Obviously you wouldn’t. The concept of a hurricane deterrent doesn’t exist.

Instead, what matters most is the build. If a house is built poorly, the stamina to endure a storm will show. But if the house is built skillfully, the opposite is just as true. And so, life isn’t about storms or long races, in as much as, it is about learning what stamina looks like. When the mind is built with intent, your ability to endure under the most pressing conditions, increases! However, achieving this starts by agreeing that every storm has purpose, and that every race is specific.

Ultimately, God is interested in the quality of your stamina, and He will continue to train you until there isn’t a storm or a race you can’t out perform!

Suffer Successfully

What I dislike about suffering is the lie surrounding it, that life with God gets easier. But it is actually the complete opposite. The believer’s life is hard, filled with incredible challenges, and stressful. Yet, despite that, suffering has its place and is not necessarily an accident, but rather, God’s design.

The key to suffering then is to view it from all angles, like a magician does when doing a trick. To the magician the trick performed is simple, but to the audience, the act is extremely complex. This is because the audience views the performance from a fixed position, while, on the other hand, the magician knows the end from the beginning. To a magician, a handkerchief isn't why the rabbit disappears, instead it’s the second hole, inside the hat, that adds to the suspense.

Likewise, suffering is more than what just meets the eye. Our lives are a confluence of events colliding at just the right time, which, when handled correctly, produces standing ovations, and brings order to what earlier, was chaos. Suffering successfully is the art of addressing our fixed positions and becoming motivated enough to change them with each new hardship !